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Grandpa's Musings
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ADDICTIONS 1. BATHROOM ATTENDANCE Certainly this is not the most tasteful of subjects; however, it merits attention, as there are many of us of the older generation whose time in the bathroom is of lengthy duration. We should not, perhaps, complain about the time spent in the bathroom. The time used up is within our discretion and our decision. The problems that exist with regard to this endeavor are worth discussing, I believe: First, the space allotted to the toilet is usually inadequate. One cannot turn around easily to hang up his coat without striking an elbow on a towel bar or shower-door handle. Hang up one's coat? Where? The builder neglected to put up a coat hook! And, if it is a public washroom, you can bet the coat hook that was installed on the door has been confiscated by persons unknown, except, it is likely the effect of the aforesaid builder's omission that caused the owner to steal it and take it home. Who will miss it? ME! Second, the distance from the toilet to the door is minimal, so one cannot stretch his legs while sitting. So stand up then? Sounds dangerous if one's stool softener is working as expected. Third, the toilet bowl level of water is too high for most mates, especially the older fellows. Somehow, the dampening process of private parts is aggravated by the failure of the owner to have the ballast ball set properly. AND, with the advent of the flush toilet, it's not only "spray" time after sitting down, but requires a volume of tissue to dry up the seat from the splash of water created by the conscientious person who remembered to flush before leaving the stall. Fourth, speaking of 'tissue", just try to locate the tissue dispenser. If you have not done so before taking your seat, it is likely you will need to twist your entire body to reach around to locate it. "Exercise" is no doubt important to our well-being, but I prefer to do my torso twists while holding a golf club, thank you! Who needs a hernia? Then there are those occasions when someone has neglected to install a new roll of tissue when the present roll is nearly depleted or down to the cardboard. Gosh! It is a travesty of justice or something. Finally, there certainly a need for a stop watch or time clock in every bathroom stall. It is unbelievable how long one waits to get in to perform the act. I can sympathize with the fellow whose colon is simply slow. Ms problem is not easily cured. It's the fellow who reads the morning newspaper or is operating his laptop computer while indulging in this most important bodily need, I've come to abhor. T'here I am standing with my legs locked in the "hold everything in place" position while this moron is sitting there, humming his favorite ditty in out-of-time discord. Believe me or not! I say, the stay in a bathroom can become addictive and it's just not fair! How's that? Who's out there? When do I think I'll be finished? Hey, it hasn't been more than five minutes. Well, I can't help it. They should put a time clock in here. Oh, all right, just two more minutes. I'd like to finish this writing. SORRY!! Gordon A. Groebe February 2, 2000 |