Christmas Bills

(Sung to the tune of Silver Bells)

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks,

Dressed in Holiday style

In the air there's a feeling of tension

Ulcers flaring, people staring,

This is Santa's big dream?

And above all this bustle we scream...

Snowy sidewalks, Crabby children 

Dressed in wet sloppy clothes

And I told them to wear their goulashes

Call the Doctor, No, it's Wednesday

Grandma probably is right, We should all

Take the two Bayer aspirin and rest.

Chorus:

My head is ringing, Ears are stinging

The doctor says I should rest

In the air there's a feeling of tension

Ulcers flaring, people staring

This is Santa's big dream?

And above all this bustle we scream

Bells are clanging, What's that ringing?

Oh, the phone, it's for me

Marshall Fields has just cancelled my order

Christmas means gifts, and I need them,

Though  I'll give none this year

That's because I've a terrible fear OF

Wrapping presents, Wrapping presents

And the ribbon is short

Santa's paper is weak and it's tearing

Get the scotch tape, Get the scotch tape!

Where's the scotch tape, you bum?

I'll just never get finished this year

City cousins, aunts, and uncles,

Baby toys, hats and ties

There is Grandma with hot, steaming pudding

Cookies, candies, chocolate Santas

Wine and eggnog and beer

Gad! For sure I'll go skiing next year!

Writing letters, Stamping letters

Oh, my mouth has run dry

And the post office now charges plenty

Lots of cards come, where will I put them

No, I can't put them there,

I'll just save  them and send them next year

Want a real tree, Get a real tree

We want a real tree this year

Tired of plastic and fire resistant branches

We need some new lights; the old ones don't work;

You’ve got to find that dud bulb

Mom she wants an inflatable tree

Nintendo game boys, Ninja turtles,

Ken & Barbie space dolls

What's become of the game monopoly?

Ergo-meters, treadmill walkers; you've got to get into shape

To survive the workout of the year.... OHHH

Christmas cookies, Christmas baking

Powdered sugar for snow

Nuts and apples and cherries and chocolate

Just a taste Mom, just a bite Mom

Wow they are really good

My, that 12 dozen went really fast.